Spending My Time...

[hantsbear]

I know my sister and my father mean well, and their advice not to bring Russ (rock_bear ) along to my cousin's wedding is based on the premise that being as very few members of my mother's family know that I am gay.  And that my quite dramatic outing could cast a shadow over what is, in truth, the special day of the Bride and Groom.  My friend Jean confirmed as much last night - I rang her as an independent counsel, if you like.

I feel a very emotional little koala right now.

Comments

[danthered.livejournal.com]

You didn't ask me (you may well not remember me! We met at Fiesta last January), but I hope you won't mind if I post my thoughts here.

I agree that your sister and father probably think they mean well, but I believe they are acting primarily out of ignorance. I think they're being unnecessarily overcautious and rather more than a bit selfish. There's no reason why your being at the wedding with Russ should attract undue attention from anyone or detract from the specialness of the day for the bride and groom. This is 2004, after all. Those who cannot handle the existence of gay men generally simply don't see them in this sort of social situation. They see friends, or roommates, or whatever it is their mind wishes them to see, and they tend not to question the matter or the individuals involved. Certainly they seldom make any kind of a scene, lest their suspicions (if there be any) prove incorrect. I imagine your cousin's invitees are well-behaved individuals who will each and all fit into one of these categories:

• Don't have a problem with gay men, therefore won't have a problem with you and Russ
  
• Don't see you and Russ as a pair of gay men, just as a pair of men, and think nothing more of it
• Have their suspicions but keep them to themselves
  
  I'd point this out logically to your father and sister—after all, if any of the guests is uncouth enough to make a scene, the problem will be on account of their bad behaviour, and not yours or Russ'. Perhaps instead of putting so much thought into breaking the news of a half-invitation to one of their own family (you), they should review the list of their other guests and exclude or have a preëmptive chat with any who may make a problem.
  
  That said: If anyone had tried to pull this kind of phony "family diplomacy" with me regarding a family event, I would first take the time to explain how and why their anxiety was caused not by me or mine but by them or theirs, and then decline the invitation.

[beastbriskett.livejournal.com]

Don't bother going. If it's going to be a choice between catering to someone else's potential problem and retaining some self-esteem, go with the one that leaves you with some pride. Stop listening to the other relatives. I have no idea how close this cousin is, but it's their wish that counts. If you feel, or know, that it would be no big deal to the bride and groom to bring Russ, (who is just another longhaired, bearded guy to anyone else) then bring him. If not, don't attend. Trying to uninvite someone, especially on behalf of the bigoted, is just rude.

My mom tried to pull this when my sister got married. I told her that if she didn't want my friend, then I wouldn't go either. She backed right down.

Stand up for yourself, Koala! Hugs!

"that my quite dramatic outing"

[rock-bear.livejournal.com]

Alright what were you secretly planning without telling me - and it better not have involved fishnets!!!!!!!!! ;-)