Anywhere But Here...
Aug. 19th, 2004 06:14 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
hantsbearA few years ago, when I was but a lowly Civil Servant, I moved job location about every 3 years or so. However, I was transitioned over to EDS in 1998, which at the time I thought was a good career move as I was in IT. It seemed very much government policy at the time to offload major chunks off to the private sector, and I had formed the opinion that if I wanted to continue in IT, the Civil Service was not the place to be. Mainly because it seemed that IBM, EDS, CSC et. al. were carving up most government IT between them.
Fast forward about 6 years. Okay, I have had several different IT jobs within the site, but I am unhappy. Mainly because I have this underlying sense that IT is not what I really want to do. And I feel stuck - this is not least helped by the recent survey in Gay Times that rated Gosport as the 6th. worst town in the country for gays to live. It doesn't really help, I guess, that I can't drive. And gave up motorcycling because I no longer felt confident in it. Otherwise, I could possibly look for work in other towns within driving distance. However, that doesn't take into account the A32 (the main road into Gosport) which is a notorious bottleneck.
Fact of the matter is I don't know what I want to do. I have no confidence whatsoever in most of my abilities, and my CV shows nothing but computing jobs for the last 14 years. I have this vague notion of just jacking everything in, selling the house, putting some stuff in storage and going back to just renting a room. But, there is a certain degree of comfort outside of my work life. Even though, most of the time during the week I feel like an empty husk, only coming to life when I'm around other people. I suspect I do not have the courage to make such a step.
Maybe I'm "just" depressed. I have an appointment with my therapist next Tuesday afternoon, and at our last session, he mooted that we might try for closure next week.
Right now, I just don't know.
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Date: 2004-08-19 02:43 pm (UTC)One advantage to not driving is, I assume, you don't have a car. My car is a big reason I can't become "gainfully unemployed." The ability to buy new books, magazines, CDs, and what not pretty much whenever I like enters into it, too.
Sorry, I should probably whine about myself in my own journal. :-) I just wanted to let you know that I think I understand how you feel, if that's any comfort.
-Charlie
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Date: 2004-08-19 02:54 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-08-19 04:27 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-08-20 01:19 am (UTC)