hantsbear: (Tea (nicked from who knows where!!!))
hantsbear ([personal profile] hantsbear) wrote2008-07-13 10:25 am

Cycles of Life and Death...

It still affects me.  The tour of "Treasure Island" that Russ was due to be on was in Nottingham until yesterday.  I went to the theatre to pick up copies of the programme for [profile] madamemish and myself; there was a tribute, albeit brief, to Russ on the front page.  It brought a swell of emotion up through me and as I walked through the city, I saw Russ's haunts everywhere.  Not bad, for a city that he actually disliked living in for nigh on 20 years. 

But I'm still here and I try to move on; battered and bloodied that I still feel.  I still hurt from not being able to see all the people I'd like to in the US - with the world economy going to hell in a handcart, it becomes depressingly less likely.  I can't cut off completely; there's too much love out there to lose.  I just need someone closer to home - or some minor miracle.  Miracles don't happen, so the other option is the one I have to explore.  Right now, I feel very much aligned with the Doctor - a huge "family" out there but still alone...

There may be changes afoot; I'm trying for a number of opportunities at work which may mean I move again.  Or I may not.  It's in the lap of the gods and my pessimism indicates that I will continue at the same grade, living out of a room in the 'burbs for the foreseeable future.

Or I may not.  That's the joy of the future and the curse of the future.  Nobody knows.