hantsbear: (Seriously Pi**ed Off...)
Oh great.  A snap general election.  But of course, the great British populace will vote the way either the Daily Mail or Rupert Murdoch tells them to :(
hantsbear: (Feel My Koala-y Wrath!)
I think that pretty much sums the way certainly the UK has gone and, I would venture to suggest, the USA has gone.  Nobody sees the bigger picture.  Nobody looks to the longer term.  "We want a better NHS, but you want to put up taxes to do it?  Over my dead body!"  "We need more social housing, but my Council Tax bill will go up?  On yer bike!"

As a result, here we are in Brexit mode and the USA apparently heading happily towards a Christian theocracy.  And now people are starting to realise the cost.  Pound drops massively against the dollar and the euro.  Prices going up.  True, the "promised" downturn in the economy hasn't happened.  Yet.

What amazed me the most about the Brexit vote was the fact that areas that have benefited from significant amounts of money from the EU decided to vote to leave, such as the Welsh valleys.

Lemmings.
hantsbear: (Land of the Free...?)
I am at a loss.  I just don't get it.  And I certainly want 2016 to be over.  What has happened to the UK and the US?  I certainly don't understand my own country any more and as for trying to understand our larger neighbour to the west, which I thought I was starting to...

The Trump talks of reconcilliation, whilst appointing a whole stream of right wing nutjobs into seemingly powerful positions, and pouting and posturing when someone has the audacity to call his running mate on his ultra white christian, gay hating beliefs.  I thought it was done with love and respect but the perma-tanned ferret thinks otherwise.

I hear conflicting stories as to what the new administration can/can't to to the hard fought LGBT* rights brought in by President Obama.  Could the USA even go as far as some Middle Eastern countries and introduce a gay test at the borders?  Yes, it sounds ridiculous but frankly, I wouldn't put it past someone like Mike Pence.

I just don't know what to think any more.
hantsbear: (perkele)
I am disappointed in 17,410,742 of my fellow countrymen.  They favoured economic suicide "because we've managed before, we've managed again".  Forgetting that 40 years have passed and the world is a completely different place.  Forgetting that unity is strength.  Thinking "ooh there's too many of Johnny Foreigner in our country" only to be told post vote that the Leave campaigners have no solution to the immigration crisis.  Both major political parties are falling to pieces at a time when we need to be decisive.  And I'm stuck here with a nay-sayer who still thinks, despite everything, we will be better off out of the EU.

Seriously considering running away to Sweden and hiding in my sister's sommarhuset.  In any case, am watching developments in Scotland very closely.
hantsbear: (Seriously Pi**ed Off...)
The black dog continues.  Several times this week, I have felt like crying for no particular reason apart from the hopelessness of it all.  Today, I just feel like hiding from everything as I cannot seem to derive much joy.  I feel like everything I touch turns to failure.

I think I need to seek out more counselling.
hantsbear: (happy pills)
Oh boy, is the black dog kicking my butt at the moment.  Work is well, just hell.  Constant change that has to be implemented NOW.  And you have to be doing it perfectly NOW.  And we need these reports from you to back it up NOW OR ELSE.  Added to the fact that I have been effectively written up for something purely subjective; something I had had no complaints about until this last year after 8 years in the organisation.

I cannot see a positive outcome.  I am applying for other jobs but I am not getting even an interview.  I tried for an internal post for a department that was apparently crying out for staff.  Nothing.

All my fight  has gone.  I have stopped discussing it at home because His Lordship gets wound up and keeps telling me I should do this and I should do that, but I feel it would have no impact on anything.
hantsbear: (Feel My Koala-y Wrath!)
There are times, and it has been happening a lot lately, when I come home from work and I wonder "What on earth have I done to deserve such punishment?"
hantsbear: (grrrr...)
In a grumpy mood today.  It's a strike day and I have been undecided all week as to whether to strike or not.  In Smethwick, it wasn't too bad as there would have been a reasonable number of people supporting in the office.  Hinckley, is an unknown quantity.  I suppose I am more of a pack animal than a leader in these matters.

The strike is all about the government increasing public sector pensions, on top of pay freezes and caps and the "promise" of regional pay.  Public sector pensions were revised in 2007 and even recent reports (in the Daily Mail of all places!) have said that they are affordable.  However, the current administration, which hates both Trades Unions and Public Servants, are effectively increasing payments for a poorer payout to bring us in line with the private sector.  Well, if they wanted to do that, why didn't they just close all the final salary schemes and replace then with money purchase schemes instead?

What the additional payment is is a tax on public servants to punish them for proliferating underneath the previous administration.  Only it's not really palatable to call it that.

Still, I should be thankful that I have a job and a pension.  But it's difficult working for an administration that treats its staff with utter contempt.  Much like a lot of private industry I suppose.  I suspect they are softening us up to sell us all to the private sector...
hantsbear: (grrrr...)
...the number of people with free bus passes who think it's also a priority boarding pass and push you out of the way to get on before you.  Next time, I'm stealing their crutches.
hantsbear: (pain)
I don't know why, but every time I have a day that ends with me feeling severely p*ssed off, I invariably end up at the local McDonalds in Oldbury.  Usually, I avoid "Mucky D's" like the plague - my fast food of choice over here is KFC.  However, there's something about being in a foul mood that sends me somehow to those golden arches.  Mind you, I do like their chocolate shakes even if I can feel my arteries clogging with their artery hardening wallpaper paste-ishness as my cheeks collapse to suck the last globules from the cup...!
hantsbear: (Will Talk For Food...)
...and the answer seems to be an overwhelming "Erm..."  The Conservatives have the most seats, but not enough for a majority.  Labour could possibly form a coalition with the Liberal Democrats, but the Liberal Democrats don't want anything to do with Gordon Brown, the current PM.  And the Green party finally got their first MP.

At the moment, the Liberal Democrats are talking to the Conservative party, which makes for uncomfortable bedfellows, since the Conservative party is against reforming the voting system and intend making radical cuts to the national budget, not spending on public services.

And we all know how much I love the Conservative party...  hah!
hantsbear: (Life)
A friend has stated to me that I am preventing my own happiness and that I am determined to be miserable whatever the cost.  I am not sure that I agree 100% with that second statement, for this reason: I am a lot happier working for the Department for Work and Pensions than I was working for EDS, especially the last 6 months.  For one thing, I do not suffer from continual stress.  Sure, there are stressful occasions but not the constant pressure of supervising effectively the human equivalent of a battery farm.  Yes, the boss can be an irritating sod at times with some of his quirks but all in all he is, for the most part, considerate and human.

I think the first statement is aimed at my desire for a relationship of some sort.  Sure, I don't expect it to happen over night, but it was commented on a visit to The Fountain in Birmingham (the local bear bar) that I avoid eye contact with people who are interested in me.  Or am completely oblivious of them.  Compare two situations : Fiesta de los Osos - I don't seem to have a problem with eye contact or talking to people, and people talking to me.  Or is there something I'm not aware of?  The last Manbears event I went to - I was virtually ignored all evening, despite trying to make eye contact with people.

Oh well, I am due to meet a guy on Sunday afternoon, so we shall see what happens...

44

Dec. 10th, 2009 09:01 am
hantsbear: (Eucalyptus break)
I can't say I feel 44.
Not really sure what I'm feeling today apart from a little disappointment - IKEA used to run a Julbord around about now - a Christmas version of the traditional smörgåsbord, but checking the website there's no mention of this.
So, not really sure what I'm going to treat myself to at lunch today.
Off to Edinburgh tomorrow; no firm plans yet apart from Koala visiting on Saturday morning...
hantsbear: (Life)
I am going to have to get my head round a very simple fact.

Given my current financial circumstances, it is very unlikely that I will be able to travel outside Europe for at least five years.  Maybe not even ten.  Barring miracles, but you see, there's a problem there.  I am an atheist and, as such, do not believe in miracles.

So, looks like I'm stuck here then...

And, yes, I know I'm whining.  There are a lot of people a lot worse off than I am.  Does it make sense if I say that I wish I had never experienced, because then I would never miss it?  And the fact that I miss long distance travel cuts to my craw.

hantsbear: (Life)
Each morning I get up I die a little
Can barely stand on my feet
Take a look in the mirror and cry
Lord what you're doing to me
I have spent all my years in believing you
But I just can't get no relief, Lord!
Somebody, somebody
Can anybody find me somebody to love?

I work hard
He works hard
Every day of my life
I work till I ache my bones
At the end I take home my hard earned pay all on my own -
I get down on my knees
And I start to pray
Till the tears run down from my eyes
Lord - somebody - somebody
Can anybody find me - somebody to love?

He works hard

Everyday
Everyday
- I try and I try and I try -
But everybody wants to put me down
They say I'm goin' crazy
They say I got a lot of water in my brain
Got no common sense
He's got nobody left to believe
Yeah - yeah yeah yeah

Oh Lord
Somebody - somebody
Can anybody find me somebody to love?

Got no feel, I got no rhythm
I just keep losing my beat
I'm ok, I'm alright
He's alright; he's alright
Ain't gonna face no defeat
I just gotta get out of this prison cell
Someday I'm gonna be free, Lord!

Find me somebody to love
Find me somebody to love
Find me somebody to love
Find me somebody to love
Find me somebody to love
Find me somebody to love
Find me somebody to love
Find me somebody to love
Somebody, somebody
Find me somebody to love
Can anybody find me somebody to love?

Freddie Mercury (Farroukh Bulsara)
hantsbear: (Don't F*ck With Me!)
One thing that really bugs me about my life is my inability (according to the Driving Standards Agency) to drive a car.  I have proved to their satisfaction that I can drive a motorcycle but not a car.  And this has just been brought into sharp focus this morning as I tried to schedule a delivery from IKEA, which was being made by DHL.  I placed the order last Wednesday for a book case and two CD tower cases.  They advised me their approximate delivery date was Friday 9th. October.  Great, thinks I, I've got the day off anyway.  I had a call yesterday while I was out from DHL to schedule the delivery; unfortunately, I was out all day.  They called again this morning on my cellphone - they can deliver next Tuesday (which I cannot make as I am on training Tuesday through Thursday) but not Friday as it was fully booked.

I am relying on these purchases to help me empty out a few more boxes and start to make the apartment a bit more habitable - less like cardboard city.  It seems that I now have to live like this until October 30th. which is my next day off.  The fact of the matter is, all the boxes hanging around depresses me - I look at them all and think "where the hell am I going to put it all?"  And I am not the best person for motivating myself.  I know that if Russ were alive, he would be, at minimum, giving me Fierce Eyebrows.  And so we add "Missing Russ (still)" to the list of things depressing me at the moment...

But anyways, back to the lack of ability to drive.  I have taken (at last count) seven tests - which probably doesn't seem like much - at various times in my life.  Problem has always been running out of money to continue with the lessons.  And so, it is usually a few years in between attempts.  And in between, the test increases in difficulty - some other thing gets added; last time, it was reversing into a parking space and having to quote basic maintenance.  All very laudible things to undertake but just adding to my frustration.

The worrying thing is I am afraid to try again - I am toying with the idea of going away somewhere and doing an intensive course, but the last time I did that, the instructor shouted at me when I did something daft and as a result, I lost all confidence.  I would love to be able to drive and it seems that it is unacheiveable for me.  Or is it?  Do I try hypnosis?  Do I try a pill?  Am I that desparate?  Or frustrated?

Answers on a postcard, please.
hantsbear: (Ack)
I checked the messages on my cellphone about a half hour ago.  There was a message from my bank - that can only mean trouble, I thought.  I checked my statement on line and found somehow I was overdrawn by £6.35.  This probably will incur a charge by my bank of £28.00 as an unauthorised borrowing, unless I try some serious grovelling tomorrow.

I have found out what caused the error, and transferred money over to cover the error and another bill due next week, but it's still one massive knee to the groin.

I feel sick.
hantsbear: (Will Talk For Food...)
Sat down and watched this movie again after 5 years or so.  Sniffled a bit.  Maybe it's the mood I'm in at the moment - have been clearing space in the apartment ready for next month when I get everything out of storage.  Maybe there will be more tears then when I find more remnants of a past life.  Maybe not.  We shall see.
hantsbear: (that's mister cranky koala to you)
Clifford, it has been over two years since someone else filled my shoes.  Please don't worry; I am no way bitter about it.  In fact, I am glad you found someone in the same state as you rather than someone a continent away.  But I still can't help looking into you eyes in photographs and mushing up.  We still have a good friendship and I don't want to give it up.  I suppose somehow I need to find a way of moving on...



...I'm just not sure how.



hantsbear: (I want to speak to my agent...)
I have had it with this week.  Icing of the cake was packing up to leave, with a customer sat watching me on the sofa opposite.  I ask her who she is waiting for.  She points at me.  I check my list - as far as I was aware, she was due an hour earlier.  But she is adamant that she was told now.  So, I end up leaving in a foul mood twenty minutes late.  And it's pissing down with rain.

And I get home to a big brown envelope telling me that I had passed the online testing for promotion to the next grade and I have an interview and a presentation to go to on the 26th.

Irony is, I don't think I'm ready for promotion now.  I don't think I will cope at all well in the next grade, so my gut reaction is to say "thanks, but no thanks..."

Profile

hantsbear: (Default)
hantsbear

April 2017

S M T W T F S
      1
2345678
9101112131415
1617 1819202122
23242526272829
30      

Syndicate

RSS Atom

Most Popular Tags

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags
Page generated Jul. 25th, 2017 04:40 pm
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios