hantsbear: (Seriously Pi**ed Off...)
Oh great.  A snap general election.  But of course, the great British populace will vote the way either the Daily Mail or Rupert Murdoch tells them to :(
hantsbear: (Cupid)
One thing the ex asked me was "Was there somebody else?"  There wasn't, which disappointed him; I suspect he wanted something concrete to hang the end of the relationship on.  There wasn't for two reasons - one, I couldn't do it to him, two, there was just no way logistically from a village that only had one bus an hour on weekdays and Saturdays; nothing at all on a Sunday.  No way of sneaking out covertly to visit a scarlet gentleman, so to speak ;)

Going forward, I find myself asking all sorts of questions about what I want from a relationship.  I certainly don't want to rush into something, unless my gut feeling tells me it is right.  My gut feeling didn't last time.  Should I go for a relationship where we live separately?  We need to communicate better.  I need to learn to communicate better.  But Mr. Rafferty says it best...
hantsbear: (Life)
I always find bequests bittersweet.  On the one hand, the financial aspect is appreciated, but it comes with a heavy finality that the person is no longer with us, and all the money in the world will not bring them back.  Even if you tried...
hantsbear: (Land of the Free...?)
I am at a loss.  I just don't get it.  And I certainly want 2016 to be over.  What has happened to the UK and the US?  I certainly don't understand my own country any more and as for trying to understand our larger neighbour to the west, which I thought I was starting to...

The Trump talks of reconcilliation, whilst appointing a whole stream of right wing nutjobs into seemingly powerful positions, and pouting and posturing when someone has the audacity to call his running mate on his ultra white christian, gay hating beliefs.  I thought it was done with love and respect but the perma-tanned ferret thinks otherwise.

I hear conflicting stories as to what the new administration can/can't to to the hard fought LGBT* rights brought in by President Obama.  Could the USA even go as far as some Middle Eastern countries and introduce a gay test at the borders?  Yes, it sounds ridiculous but frankly, I wouldn't put it past someone like Mike Pence.

I just don't know what to think any more.
hantsbear: (perkele)
I am disappointed in 17,410,742 of my fellow countrymen.  They favoured economic suicide "because we've managed before, we've managed again".  Forgetting that 40 years have passed and the world is a completely different place.  Forgetting that unity is strength.  Thinking "ooh there's too many of Johnny Foreigner in our country" only to be told post vote that the Leave campaigners have no solution to the immigration crisis.  Both major political parties are falling to pieces at a time when we need to be decisive.  And I'm stuck here with a nay-sayer who still thinks, despite everything, we will be better off out of the EU.

Seriously considering running away to Sweden and hiding in my sister's sommarhuset.  In any case, am watching developments in Scotland very closely.
hantsbear: (Seriously Pi**ed Off...)
The black dog continues.  Several times this week, I have felt like crying for no particular reason apart from the hopelessness of it all.  Today, I just feel like hiding from everything as I cannot seem to derive much joy.  I feel like everything I touch turns to failure.

I think I need to seek out more counselling.
hantsbear: (happy pills)
Oh boy, is the black dog kicking my butt at the moment.  Work is well, just hell.  Constant change that has to be implemented NOW.  And you have to be doing it perfectly NOW.  And we need these reports from you to back it up NOW OR ELSE.  Added to the fact that I have been effectively written up for something purely subjective; something I had had no complaints about until this last year after 8 years in the organisation.

I cannot see a positive outcome.  I am applying for other jobs but I am not getting even an interview.  I tried for an internal post for a department that was apparently crying out for staff.  Nothing.

All my fight  has gone.  I have stopped discussing it at home because His Lordship gets wound up and keeps telling me I should do this and I should do that, but I feel it would have no impact on anything.
hantsbear: (Feel My Koala-y Wrath!)
There are times, and it has been happening a lot lately, when I come home from work and I wonder "What on earth have I done to deserve such punishment?"
hantsbear: (Don't F*ck With Me!)
One thing guaranteed to make me really snarky when dealing with Customer Service representatives is the phrase "Well, it says quite clearly in our Terms and Conditions..."

Translation : "Oh you are a complete dumb-ass, aren't you darling?"

Have you tried reading some of those Terms and Condtions?  Trying to find the right paragraph, subsection and sentence?  Honestly, it seems to be the one perk in an otherwise potentially soul destroying job, to smugly prove a customer wrong...

Grr.
hantsbear: (Feel My Koala-y Wrath!)
So, have closed my twitter account.  Hardly used it, but it got hacked for the second time by @sshats from a certain large officially homophobic wasteland.  Bye bye twitter it is.
hantsbear: (Pauline)
So, started working at my permanent office in Coalville today.  Second set of fond farewells in 6 months yesterday - a surprise gift coupon and both the managers of the office thanking me for my help.  Which all helps build up the old self confidence levels, but I still feel like the new kid today.  Trying to suss people out and figure out what procedures are different in the new office.  And building myself up to the days when I start walking to and from work.  Which started earlier than expected when the bus didn't turn up and I had to walk home.  No biggie usually but I didn't have my walking shoes on today.  Oh well...

But one of my colleagues did have a particularly cute blue-eyed long haired bear today, so the day had a particular high spot ;)
hantsbear: (grrrr...)
In a grumpy mood today.  It's a strike day and I have been undecided all week as to whether to strike or not.  In Smethwick, it wasn't too bad as there would have been a reasonable number of people supporting in the office.  Hinckley, is an unknown quantity.  I suppose I am more of a pack animal than a leader in these matters.

The strike is all about the government increasing public sector pensions, on top of pay freezes and caps and the "promise" of regional pay.  Public sector pensions were revised in 2007 and even recent reports (in the Daily Mail of all places!) have said that they are affordable.  However, the current administration, which hates both Trades Unions and Public Servants, are effectively increasing payments for a poorer payout to bring us in line with the private sector.  Well, if they wanted to do that, why didn't they just close all the final salary schemes and replace then with money purchase schemes instead?

What the additional payment is is a tax on public servants to punish them for proliferating underneath the previous administration.  Only it's not really palatable to call it that.

Still, I should be thankful that I have a job and a pension.  But it's difficult working for an administration that treats its staff with utter contempt.  Much like a lot of private industry I suppose.  I suspect they are softening us up to sell us all to the private sector...
hantsbear: (The Beginning)
Damn this lethargy.  Over a month and no post.  Sorry guys - I am still here - honest, but still trying to get to some sort of state of equilibrium.  The dining room and garage are still full of boxes but the momentum and the will to empty them isn't there.  So, I suppose I feel a bit in transit still.  Part of me just wants to go through the boxes and be even more ruthless and get rid of even more stuff.

Heigh ho.  Ask me again in a month or two when I move into my permanent office and can start to walk to work.
hantsbear: (Default)
... until I start in my new office.  Still feel like there is tons to pack and willpower (and my spine) is playing up... it'll get done somehow; it usually does.  Got 3 days off at the end of the month to sort the move out; getting quotes sorted out.  And planning a trip to Sweden in May to see little sis...
hantsbear: (all glory to the hypnotoad)
Things are a bit static at the moment.  Main blocking point is my transfer to an office closer to Steve - it just isn't happening at the moment, and I'm really not sure how long this situation is going to last.  The Powers That Be within the organisation told one office that I've been in contact with, that has vacancies that they will categorically refuse my transfer unless it is an emergency.  I wrote to the HR person concerned about 10 days ago; she only read the e-mail last Tuesday and has not replied yet.  Reading the official guidance, anyone requesting a transfer is pretty much at the bottom of the pile unless they can claim an emergency transfer, which, I am told is nigh on impossible to obtain.  I will probably end up trying though, because this is stressing both Steve and myself out...

Oh well (sigh)
hantsbear: (3D Me!)
I often worry...

...but you knew that already...

... that when I meet someone for the first time, I tend to let out a lot of information about myself.  Met a guy in person for the first time today, had a great time.  But still felt I said more than he did.

Still, he wants to meet me again, so I can't have done that bad...!
hantsbear: (Will Talk For Food...)
...and the answer seems to be an overwhelming "Erm..."  The Conservatives have the most seats, but not enough for a majority.  Labour could possibly form a coalition with the Liberal Democrats, but the Liberal Democrats don't want anything to do with Gordon Brown, the current PM.  And the Green party finally got their first MP.

At the moment, the Liberal Democrats are talking to the Conservative party, which makes for uncomfortable bedfellows, since the Conservative party is against reforming the voting system and intend making radical cuts to the national budget, not spending on public services.

And we all know how much I love the Conservative party...  hah!
hantsbear: (Mandy)
So, in a months time, we are to have a general election.  Conservatives, led by the Eton educated David Cameron, who will most likely asset strip as much as possible of the civil service (privatised again, oh joy) so that they can fund tax cuts for a small percentage of the population.  Labour, led by the ever dour Gordon Brown, who few people trust since the days of Lord President Blair.  Then there's the Liberal Democrats who most likely get 20% of the vote but return less than 9% of the MP's.

Unfortunately, I don't think the Monster Raving Loony Party is putting up a candidate in my district...
hantsbear: (Life)
A friend has stated to me that I am preventing my own happiness and that I am determined to be miserable whatever the cost.  I am not sure that I agree 100% with that second statement, for this reason: I am a lot happier working for the Department for Work and Pensions than I was working for EDS, especially the last 6 months.  For one thing, I do not suffer from continual stress.  Sure, there are stressful occasions but not the constant pressure of supervising effectively the human equivalent of a battery farm.  Yes, the boss can be an irritating sod at times with some of his quirks but all in all he is, for the most part, considerate and human.

I think the first statement is aimed at my desire for a relationship of some sort.  Sure, I don't expect it to happen over night, but it was commented on a visit to The Fountain in Birmingham (the local bear bar) that I avoid eye contact with people who are interested in me.  Or am completely oblivious of them.  Compare two situations : Fiesta de los Osos - I don't seem to have a problem with eye contact or talking to people, and people talking to me.  Or is there something I'm not aware of?  The last Manbears event I went to - I was virtually ignored all evening, despite trying to make eye contact with people.

Oh well, I am due to meet a guy on Sunday afternoon, so we shall see what happens...
hantsbear: (Life)
I am going to have to get my head round a very simple fact.

Given my current financial circumstances, it is very unlikely that I will be able to travel outside Europe for at least five years.  Maybe not even ten.  Barring miracles, but you see, there's a problem there.  I am an atheist and, as such, do not believe in miracles.

So, looks like I'm stuck here then...

And, yes, I know I'm whining.  There are a lot of people a lot worse off than I am.  Does it make sense if I say that I wish I had never experienced, because then I would never miss it?  And the fact that I miss long distance travel cuts to my craw.

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