So, I was at the Stone Food and Drink Festival on Sunday - Stone happens to be about 4 miles down the road from the village where I was born; indeed, my birth was recorded at the Registrar in Stone. But I digress.
reason for going to the festival was that certain hirsute TV chefs were doing their thing. As supporters of the festival, Stephen and I had front row seats for their demonstration. Dave was preparing Venison with Bubble and Squeak, Candied Shallots and a Sloe Gin glaze. Si was preparing Black Pudding with Apple, Scallops and a Champagne sauce. Recipes in "The Hairy Bikers Food Tour of Britain". Or ask me nice and I will e-mail.
Anyroadup, Dave realises that he will need to cook the venison for 8 minutes and searches the audience for someone to time the roasting. He scans and his eyes fall upon...
Meanwhile, Si is making various threats - "You'd better get this right!"
"Trust me," I smile sweetly.
So, the venison is committed to the oven and I start my stopwatch, being heckled occasionally by Si. I give a shout at eight minutes and the venison is removed from the oven. However, Dave discovers that his oven was switched off, so, with 10 minutes of the demo left, they put the venison in Si's (working) oven, and request my services again. Which I duly provide. Eight minutes later, the venison is removed from the oven and tested. It is declared perfect by The Hairy Ones. At which point, Si, leaves the stage, commands me to stand up and plants a kiss on my forehead. And I got a round of applause.
Not that it's gone to my head or anything...( Gratuitous photo of Si trying to seduce the audience... )